How I Fought Myself From the World of Darkness

I am wandering around this dreaded place. A place filled with unimaginable uncertainties, a place that had gradually come to become what I see as a frequent phenomenon. I don't know how long I have been in this darkness. Perhaps I have been in there for too long that I have come to start seeing it as one of my normal ways of living. It is so common for someone who has been exposed to certain conditions for a long time to start seeing that particular condition as a normal way of life. When a crime continues to go on in a particular region over an extended period of time, it gradually becomes that region's way of life. When people become too familiar with a certain way of life, irrespective of whether that particular way of life is ideal, they find a way to adapt to it and start seeing it as their normal way of life. Most times, you find out that they didn't even know when they ended up adapting to this particular way of life; some of them might even end up losing track of when they started being exposed to this particular way of life; the only thing they get to realize is that this particular way of life has come to become their particular normal way of life. This was perhaps the identity that I have developed around the darkness in my life. I have been in darkness so long enough that I can't even remember when I started playing a deal with the darkness. There is fog everywhere, bringing confusion, covering every trail. Confusion has come to become my regular dealings. If now, how would I have dwelt thus long in darkness? How would I have allowed darkness to envelop me for this long without having any traces of where I used to call my destination? I am sure that there were things that used to be my goals.

There were things that I used to see as my aspirations, but right now, it seems I have long forgotten them. I don't think I even know the right way to follow, and I am wallowing in confusion; even the path I had decided to work on is filled with fog; no path seems clear enough for me to know what exactly I am getting myself into. Life is very meaningless when you are just living for the sake of living. When you are living without any purpose, you will only find yourself always drifting towards a dark end with nothing productive coming out of it. What use is life when one is just living for the sake of living? What use is life when one's life is purposeless? If it was so easy to evade some conditions, some people might never have allowed themselves to be in certain situations. Nobody really hates themselves enough to the point of subjecting themselves to a certain situation in life; sometimes, life just happens when we end up finding ourselves in certain situations in life.