Survival Shenanigans With Elf Mistress

Chapter 5 Goblin Gangbang

Screech! Those goblin bastards weren't messing around. The fortification glitched really badly, with cracks spiderwebbing across it under their relentless pounding.

"Come on, you green-dicked bastards, bring it on!" I screamed again, realizing that they didn't really care about my racist rant. Such tactics didn't even work on humans, so I've always been puzzled as to why people used them.

Grabbing my enhanced rock knife and my heart pounding like a festival bass drop, I charged out. The feeling of being a dumb hero in a B-movie enveloped me. "Hero my ass," I thought mid-leap. "Where are the heroines? Not these ugly fuckers!"

Akira, you noob, do you think you're Rambo? You're nothing more than a disposable trooper in Star Trek. Or was it Star Wars? I never watched either of that shit after I got the male periods.

The first ugly fucker that got through without frying lunged at me. I slashed and landed home. My knife sank into its throat with a squelch that sounded like farting in wet mud.

Ughh! Green blood sprayed all over me, smelling like rotten eggs and diarrhea. The reason I am describing everything vividly is that I want you to be as disgusted as I am.

I killed two more, one with a stab to the gut, the other with a slash across the neck. The goblins weren't skilled fighters, as far as the foot soldiers smashing through my cave fortification were concerned.

They carried crude clubs and swung like drunk uncles at a wedding. Soon, I had dozens of easy kills.

The problem was that the goblins were as numerous and hive-minded as ants. Their singular objective was to break the entrance fortification, and they were willing to die for it.

Boom! The fuckers did it. The cave's protection shattered with a magical spark, followed by a shower of dust and debris.

Oh, God! The goblins were on me like a swarm. I was overwhelmed, their claws raking my arms like soil. Clubs landed on me, sprouting up bruises and sprains.

Suddenly, there were so many bleeding cuts on me, I looked like a chicken wing. One of the monsters tried to rip my pants off. Was it trying to fuck me?

"Fuck this!" I yelped, clambering out of the goblin gangbang. "It's time to retreat!"

I grabbed my inventory bag and ran, fleeing deeper into the cave. Their chittering pursuit was audible through echoes bouncing around the rock walls.

"Shit, shit, shit!" I wailed, tripping over bones. My knife slipped from my hand and clattered like dice in a craps game. I didn't stop and scooped it up before face-planting.

The goblins weren't giving up, as their pursuit grew louder. I stopped yelling back insults at them after realizing the simple fact that it was helping them echo-locate me.

The cave twisted like a maze from a Zelda dungeon; the walls closed in as I moved deeper. The glowing fungi became dimmer, indicating that the air was thin.

My lungs burned, and my legs felt like jelly. In the dark, I was running like a chicken with its head cut off. What a classic noob move to run without a map! Finally, I spotted a narrow back exit.

I squeezed through, scraping my skin on jagged rocks that felt like sandpaper on balls. Emerging into the twilight-lit forest, my mind reeled with the fresh oxygen.

I gasped for air and hid behind a glowing tree that pulsed like a rave light. No goblins followed me immediately from the cave.

As I caught my breath, I suddenly heard distant shouts ahead on the path. The voice, strangely, sounded human. The premise would overjoy anybody else, but I approached it with caution.

I crept closer with my knife ready. A narrow bridge connected my landing to an open plain. But what was unfolding there was quite a spectacle. I found the source of the human voice.

The bridge was presently a battleground. And holy shit, a chick was fighting a squad of armored goblins. Finally! A woman!

My eyes stung with man-of-culture tears. She was a stunner, and I immediately fell in love as her dark hair whipped like a shampoo commercial.

She was tall and athletic like a fitness model from those thirst-trap TikToks. The only difference was that this woman wielded a metal-headed ax.

For men of culture, I swear I would describe her boobs, thighs, and ass better if it weren't so fucking dark.

Anyway, the woman's striking feature was her ears. Elf ears. Bingo! She wasn't human, but her voice sounded like it, of course.

The Elf chick did wield an ax, but wasn't really using it. She was blasting the goblins with magic, and the spectacle was wild as fuck.

Shadow tendrils climbed from the bridge's edge one second, grabbing and wrapping enemies like BDSM ropes. Wood vines came alive and whipped the goblins' entangled legs.

The Elf also fired lightning blasts, frying their armor like a microwave. Man, she was so impressive.

Common sense would suggest escaping the warzone. However, I was so much in love with the Elf already that I risked venturing closer. Closer.