All Chapters of Survival Shenanigans With Elf Mistress: Chapter 1
- Chapter 10
10 chapters
Chapter 1 A Noob's Rant
Man, suppose someone had told me yesterday that my biggest worry tomorrow wouldn't be dodging my boss's micromanaging emails, but figuring out how not to get cornholed by goblins.I'd have laughed in their face, spitting mustard from my half-chewed Big Mac.But here I am, suddenly playing the main character in my own crappy Isekai, and trying not to get cornholed by---never mind.I am Akira Smith, your average twenty-year-old half-Japanese, half-white slacker chasing the American Dream.The Isekai, reincarnation, and transmigration genres, brothers from the same mothers, are much too familiar, right?There's the otaku kind, in which Truck-kun comes at you with road rage, followed by you waking up with god-tier powers in a world full of elves and dragons, and all that shit.Then there's reincarnation or transmigration into the past or into new worlds with prior knowledge or cheat systems. So much cringe that my pickle needs a pickle.Except in my case, there was no truck, no wisdom, an
Chapter 2 New Dawn
I appeared to have no overpowered skills, and there wasn't any harem of waifus waiting to greet and bathe me. Just me, feeling like that guy from Cast Away before he befriends the volleyball. I looked around for sports objects but didn't find any. Not even a bowling pin.I looked around peevishly. The surrounding forest was straight out of a Tim Burton fever dream. "Enough with the Hollywood references, Akira!" my mom's heavy accent voice echoed in my head. "You'll forget your culture this way!"Never mind. Let me paint a simple picture for you. The trees had bark that glowed like neon signs in Vegas, leaving shimmering colors that don't exist on the RGB scale. Up above, the sky had a weird swirl of clouds, a phenomenon often found only in AI-generated images.I couldn't spot any sun yet, but the world was still illuminated enough to see the surroundings. Was it twilight? The birds were normal IG, although the chirps sounded a bit auto-tuned.A vine nearby twitched, opening a flower t
Chapter 3 Caveman
Waking up felt like a hangover from hell. No, to be fair, it was much better than Earth mornings. Even though the post-sleep body screamed for food and water as soon as I got up, the tiredness of the previous day was drastically diminished.The only problem was a stiff boner that refused to go away. I had a very wet dream about a busty, curvy elf last night.The erection faltered only after I saw the morning scenery. The mini-suns were up, painting the sky in those trippy Instagram colors again. "When will this low-budget Coachella fever dream end, huh?" I wondered aloud.I shook my head, partially expecting my vision to refresh to my Jacksonville apartment ceiling. Nope, still in fantasy land. "Fuck me sideways," I grumbled.Not that I was complaining. The isekai world hadn't been explored yet, but loneliness had already crept in. At least, on Monday mornings, I could have toxic exchanges with Karens and Kevins. Here, there was not a soul in sight.I had a faint memory of the night's
Chapter 4 Microwave Menu
I nutted up and decided to carry out exploration during my last moments. Switching on my phone again, I turned on the flashlight and found a side entrance in the cave wall.It led to a dead end, which gave this detour a room-like structure. At the far end was something interesting. I ran into what was my most significant discovery since I started the game—a clay furnace.It was cold and hadn't been used for years, probably, but my mind raced. Could the green herbs I found in the cave be made edible as potions after brewing them? Hmm. Trying wouldn't hurt, since I was dying anyway.I collected wood and twigs as fuel and lit the fire. As smoke stung my eyes like onion gas, something extraordinary happened.Boop! A holographic menu popped up over the furnace. Yes! Finally! A gaming interface!There were four sections—CRAFT, ENHANCE, KITCHEN, and RECYCLE. In the CRAFT section, there was an exhaustive catalogue of simple weapons, tools, and utilities. In DISMANTLE, I could break down compl
Chapter 5 Goblin Gangbang
Screech! Those goblin bastards weren't messing around. The fortification glitched really badly, with cracks spiderwebbing across it under their relentless pounding."Come on, you green-dicked bastards, bring it on!" I screamed again, realizing that they didn't really care about my racist rant. Such tactics didn't even work on humans, so I've always been puzzled as to why people used them.Grabbing my enhanced rock knife and my heart pounding like a festival bass drop, I charged out. The feeling of being a dumb hero in a B-movie enveloped me. "Hero my ass," I thought mid-leap. "Where are the heroines? Not these ugly fuckers!"Akira, you noob, do you think you're Rambo? You're nothing more than a disposable trooper in Star Trek. Or was it Star Wars? I never watched either of that shit after I got the male periods.The first ugly fucker that got through without frying lunged at me. I slashed and landed home. My knife sank into its throat with a squelch that sounded like farting in wet mu
Chapter 6 Damsel In Distress
Fucking beauty! Ah, I finally got a close-up view. The tight leather pants she wore were weathered, but didn't prevent her ass from looking like a ripe peach.Her tits were huge for her height, but they didn't bounce as much, defying physics.Being an ass-man, I lowered my lewd gaze to the area of interest. "Damn, that ass! The things I could do to it!""Focus, horn-dog!" my conscience berated me. "You're bleeding, not boning. Save yourself first! Escape! Survive!"However, my pervy brain went wild, thinking up scenarios. What if… I helped the Elf in her battles, and after we won, she'd reward the hero. A ride on her private ax?My common sense bitch-slapped me. "Damn, get your mind out of the gutter, Akira, before this isekai turns you into a corpse with a boner!"Whoooo! A bullhorn rang out, followed by a roar of goblin crowds. Reinforcements poured out from either side of the bridge.Until now, the supermodel Elf had been efficiently dealing with a few goblins at a time with her ma
Chapter 7 Indecent Proposal
The Elf woman beat me to it and spoke first. "I am Ellara, the Medley Elf. Who are you, adventurer? By the looks of it, I would assume you are human?"I took a heroic stance and said, "I am Akira, the… The… The Survivor. Yes, Akira, the Survivor. You must have heard of me."Ellara tried to force a smile, which would look odd on another female. However, her natural beauty and presence were overwhelming, making me fall in love all over again. I felt like kneeling to her a thousand times, and perhaps licking her toes if she'd let me."The Survivor," Ellara said slowly, thinking. "Unfortunately, I have never heard of you, adventurer.""Regardless, it was brave of you to come to my aid. Chivalry and honor are dying virtues among men. I am very pleased. By the wilderness rules of Arcadia, you may ask for a prize."My throat was dry all of a sudden as perversion took control of my mind. My eyes scanned her body like an old Xerox machine, focusing on the curves and the pokes. "A prize? I can
Chapter 8 Jesus Christ
Like a matchstick striking a matchbox, a spark ignited, and the blanket of darkness was rudely removed.Argh! Fuck! It hurts! I felt like a vampire from a cheesy flick struck in the chest with a wooden stake. No, it was more like a red-hot poker straight through my heart. No, wait, it was more like a warm dick in my cardiac muscles.Realizing I could think irrationally again, I paused. Wait, am I not supposed to be dead?The pain told me a different story. Every beat of my pulse sent fresh waves of crackling agony radiating out, making my vision swim with a hundred thousand black spots. I was barely breathing, and when I did, the breaths came in shallow, ragged, and miserable gasps."Fuck... This is hell," I wheezed, "Someone kill me, please!""Shh…" a female voice said softly. "The arrow was laced with goblin poison. Don't struggle, or it will hurt more.""Fuck you! Screw your parents, and your unborn children!" I tried to snarl aloud, but mumbled nonsense instead. In fact, I had los
Chapter 9 Elf Mommy
Ellara smiled sadly. "You heard me. You're my slave now, Akira. I'm sorry you have to go through this, but I would suggest you change your tone and act like one."I chuckled and waved a dismissive hand. Even though the Elf was being polite, she was laying out the definition of 'bitches be crazy' in the process."That was good," I said, chortling. "You almost got me. Anyway, thanks for the save and healing, Elf mommy, but I'll pass on the slavery gig. Maybe I could have helped with quests, collecting mushrooms or berries or something, you know, sidekick style, but I'm not into chains or ownership bullshit, not even as roleplay.""Hasta la vista!" I saluted Ellara mockingly and turned to leave, feeling a surge of independence that comes with ditching a toxic job on a Friday. The Elf simply watched me with pursed lips."Catch you later," I called out again, and then walked away. "If you want my help with a quest, just hang your used panties on a branch in this general area. I'll understa
Chapter 10 Job Application
I confronted her, struggling against the invisible pull of the collar that kept me grounded. "Let me go, I saved your ass too! This bond bullshit is unfair and evil. You didn't get my permission before executing it!"Ellara's eyes hardened like steel forged in a furnace. "Stop crying and yapping. The bond is already permanent, with no loopholes. It was I who saved your miserable life!"I sighed, finally accepting the reality. The Elf Mommy had collared me, and I couldn't even escape through death. Now what? My mental state was so unstable that I started thinking of porn scenarios."Does the bond come with… benefits... As in slave sex?" I blurted out without thinking. I immediately regretted my boldness as Ellara grunted and closed her hands sharply into a fist.Crackle! Electric shocks zapped through my body as if I had hugged a live wire. My nuts felt like a taser had been introduced to them from all directions. "Aaaaargghhhh! Stop it!""Behave…" she mouthed slowly and threateningly.