The Elven Art of Falling Gracelessly

The Jade Terrace was high enough that the wind usually provided some relief, but today, it felt like standing in the path of a dragon’s sneeze. Eryndor shifted his weight, his ceremonial robes—stiff with enough gold thread to buy a small village—creaking ominously.

"Don't move," Lorandir whispered, leaning in so close that Eryndor could smell the peppermint leaf he’d been chewing. "You’re sweating through the silk near your neck. If it hits the collar, we’re doomed. That dye isn't colorfast."

"I’m literally melting, Lorandir," Eryndor muttered back, his jaw tight as he stared out at the sea of expectant elven faces below. "I feel like a stuffed pheasant about to be served for lunch. Why is this robe so heavy? Did they line it with lead?"

"It’s for gravity. Or dignity. Or whatever elves who aren't you care about," Lorandir said, adjusting a loose strand of hair behind Eryndor’s ear. "Look, just do the jump, land gracefully, and try not to look like you’re having a panic attack. Think of the prestige! The Silverleaf Festival only happens once a century."

"If I die, I want you to tell my mother I hated this robe," Eryndor said, his eyes darting to the pool of nectar several feet away. Some clumsy server had left a puddle near the ledge.

"You're not going to die. You’re the best dancer in your specific, very niche age group. Mostly because the other guy has a broken leg," Lorandir replied. "Just… aim for the center. Don't look at Lady Aelith."

"Why would you even say her name?" Eryndor hissed, his heart doing a frantic jig. "Now I’m looking at her. She’s staring right at me. Why does she look like she’s judging my future children?"

"Because she is. Now go. You’re up."

Eryndor took a deep breath, the silk around his chest feeling like a literal straitjacket. He stepped toward the ledge, his boots clicking rhythmically.

"Here goes everything," he whispered.

"Wait, Eryndor—"

He didn't wait. He threw himself forward, initiating the ‘Graceful Glide’ sequence. For two glorious seconds, he felt like a bird. He felt majestic. He felt like the elf the bards sang about. Then, his left foot hit the marble floor near the final takeoff point. Specifically, it hit the spilled nectar.

"Oh, no," Eryndor said, quite clearly, in the split second before gravity took its revenge.

His foot slid. His arms began to windmill. Instead of a graceful glide, he performed what could only be described as a ‘Hectic Flail.’

"Look out!" someone screamed from below.

Eryndor wasn't just falling; he was careening. He saw the Royal Orchestra's prized golden harp coming up fast. He crashed through it with a sound like a thousand angry guitar strings snapping at once. But he didn't stop there. His momentum carried him forward, straight toward the VIP lounge where Lady Aelith sat.

"Catch me?" he managed to say right before he collided with the most formidable noblewoman in the realm.

SPLASH.

The koi pond was cold. Very cold. Eryndor surfaced, gasping for air, a lily pad currently resting on his head. He looked to his left. Lady Aelith was there, her perfect, icy-white dress now a soggy, translucent mess. A very surprised orange koi was flapping in her lap.

"Hey," Eryndor said, his voice cracking. "So… fancy meeting you here?"

Aelith slowly turned her head. Her eyes weren't just cold; they were glacial. Water dripped from her nose. "You’re on my leg," she said. Her voice was terrifyingly calm.

"Right. My bad." He tried to scramble back, only to slip again on a mossy rock, effectively submerging both of them once more.

"Stop moving!" she yelled, her composure finally breaking. "You’re making it worse! You’re like a frantic otter!"

"I’m trying to help!" Eryndor shouted back, finally finding his footing and standing up. He looked up at the shore.

The High Elder stood there, his long white beard quivering in what looked like a mixture of cardiac arrest and sheer fury. Beside him, Lorandir was covering his face with both hands, though his shoulders were shaking suspiciously.

"Eryndor Silvaris," the Elder’s voice boomed. "Explain yourself."

"Well, sir," Eryndor said, dripping wet, "the nectar was slippery. Also, the harp was in the way. Actually, it was mostly the nectar."

"You ruined the harp!" a musician sobbed from the bank. "That was my grandmother’s!"

"I’ll buy you a new one!" Eryndor called out. "Or, you know, glue it back?"

"You crashed into the Lady of the Silver Marsh," the High Elder said, ignoring the harp-sobbing. "During the Opening Leap. The most sacred part of our heritage."

Aelith stood up next to him, her wet dress clinging to her in a way that made Eryndor’s face burn with more than just embarrassment. "He didn't just crash," she said, her voice sharp enough to cut stone. "He tackled me. I believe I have a bruise forming near my ribs. And he’s still standing in my way."

"Sorry," Eryndor said, shuffling sideways. "I'll just… go. Maybe walk into the forest and never come back?"

"Don't be ridiculous," the High Elder snapped. "You can't go anywhere. You’re too clumsy to make it five miles without tripping over a root and starting a forest fire."

"Hey, that only happened once," Eryndor muttered.

"Council!" the Elder shouted, turning to the cluster of robed officials. "We need a verdict. Exile is too kind. He’d probably die and we’d have to pay for the funeral out of the city funds."

Lorandir finally lowered his hands, his face red from holding in laughter. "If I may, Elder? Maybe he just needs… guidance? Proper form? He’s clearly deficient in the grace department."

Eryndor glared at his friend. "Deficient? I have tons of grace. It’s just… internal."

"It needs to be externalized," Lorandir said, looking at Lady Aelith. "And who better to teach grace than the woman he nearly drowned?"

Aelith’s head snapped toward Lorandir. "Excuse me? You want me to spend my time with this… human-acting disaster?"

"It’s either that or he gets assigned to the Royal Guard," the High Elder mused, tapping his chin. "And we can't have him tripping over his own spear and impaling the king."

"I’m literally standing right here," Eryndor reminded them.

"It is decided!" the High Elder declared, gesturing vaguely at the pond. "Eryndor Silvaris, you are sentenced to intensive Grace Rehabilitation. Lady Aelith, since your festival was already ruined by his clumsy hide, you shall be his Mentor of Grace. You will transform him into a functioning elf, or you will have my permission to drop him off the terrace for real this time."

Aelith looked at Eryndor. Her eyes traveled from his water-logged robes to the lily pad still stuck to his crown.

"Start by getting out of the pond," she commanded.

"I’m trying," Eryndor said, lifting a heavy, wet foot. "It’s really deep."

"It’s three feet deep, Eryndor. Just walk."

He took a step, caught his heel on the edge of the pond's stone rim, and nearly pitched forward again. Aelith caught him by the collar of his lead-weighted robe, her grip surprisingly strong.

"I hope you like early mornings," she whispered into his ear, her voice cold as the pond water. "Because we start at dawn. And if you’re even a second late, I will make you wish you’d stayed under the water."

"Can we push it to noon?" Eryndor asked hopefully. "I’m not really a morning elf."

"Dawn," she repeated, giving him a shove toward the shore.

Lorandir trotted over as Eryndor squelched his way onto the grass. "Well," Lorandir grinned, "that went better than expected."

"Better?" Eryndor squealed. "I broke a harp! I tackled a duchess! I’m being forced into boot camp with a woman who clearly wants to eat my soul!"

"Yeah," Lorandir said, patting his wet shoulder. "But look at it this way—you’re not in exile. And you’ve finally got a girl to pay attention to you."

"She looks like she wants to murder me, Lorandir."

"It’s a start, mate. It’s definitely a start."

Eryndor looked back at the pond. Lady Aelith was stepping out with the help of two servants, looking like a vengeful water goddess. She locked eyes with him one more time and pointed a slender finger toward the sunrise horizon.

"Dawn," she mouthed.

Eryndor groaned, his boots squelching with every step as he followed his friend away from the wreckage of the Silverleaf Festival. "I’m going to die. I’m actually going to die of elegance."