Fifteen years ago

Outskirts of London

Three-year-old Alice watched the busy streets of London through her window with widened eyes. Sparkling with interest, she failed to notice the knot lodged between the brows of her mother who did not care about the glaring eyes of the customers surrounding them inside the dingy small cafe. A veil of smoke surrounded Alice’s mother like a cloak of disparity as she puffed the cigarette.

Alice knew that something was wrong with her mother, even at a young age.

Last time, they were in Italy. The next thing she knew, they were in London. She didn’t know what her mom’s been up to. But Alice could often see her mother on the phone or just plain lost in her thoughts as her mother stared outside the window.

Drinking her chocolate frappe, Alice was content in watching the rain pour and the people running frantically outside to take shelter.

Alice failed to notice how people’s gaze would linger longer on her than on her mother's, particularly at her eyes. Unlike her mom, who got a seductive green set of eyes, hers was different. Her left eye was like raw amber while the other was like a molten lave – which according to her mom was albino red.

Alice’s mother didn’t tell her the reason behind the colors of her eyes, but she assumed that she must have inherited it from her dad. That thought didn’t fail to make the young Alice happy. Though Alice often wonder why she was yet to meet her father, her mom would say that he was only busy with something important – that was why Alice hadn’t seen him yet, even once.

“Hey, Little Alice,” her mom called. “Come and sit with momma.”

Alice did what her mother said. A wide grin stretched from her chocolate-laden lips as she sat next to her mother.

Alice’s mother caressed her hair, lifting her chin to see the grinning face of young Alice.

Alice cocked her head when her mother froze as their gazes clashed.

With an ashen face, Alice’s mother spoke in a quivering voice. The cigarette had long been forgotten. “Listen to momma, Alice dear. Close your eyes, okay?”

Alice did what was told of her again without question. She pouted when her mom placed a blindfold on her closed eyes. “Momma?”

Young Alice wanted to ask why they were playing this game outside the house when she would usually play this inside their cabinet. But the young daughter did not want to see her mother’s glossy eyes. And so, she complied – like always without question.

“Remember our hide and seek game?”

Alice nodded as an answer.

“Close your eyes, and slowly count up to fifty. By then, momma will be back.”

Thinking that this was just a game, the young Alice did what her mom instruct her. She counted.

One... Two... Three...

Five... Ten... Fifteen...

Twenty... Thirty... Forty...

Forty-eight... Forty-nine... Fifty...

But the moment Alice took off the blindfold, the seat in front of her and beside her were both empty. There was only her and her mother’s cigarette before her.

“Did I count it wrong?” Alice bit her trembling lower lip. A pair of small, chubby hands slapped her face to stop herself from wailing. Nodding her head with a reddened nose, the young child, who was yet to know the meaning of the word ‘abandon’, willed herself to count again amid the tragic situation she was in. “Let’s do it again!”

And so, the young Alice counted and failed to see her mother again.