Survival Shenanigans With Elf Mistress

Chapter 2 New Dawn

I appeared to have no overpowered skills, and there wasn't any harem of waifus waiting to greet and bathe me. Just me, feeling like that guy from Cast Away before he befriends the volleyball. I looked around for sports objects but didn't find any. Not even a bowling pin.

I looked around peevishly. The surrounding forest was straight out of a Tim Burton fever dream. "Enough with the Hollywood references, Akira!" my mom's heavy accent voice echoed in my head. "You'll forget your culture this way!"

Never mind. Let me paint a simple picture for you. The trees had bark that glowed like neon signs in Vegas, leaving shimmering colors that don't exist on the RGB scale. Up above, the sky had a weird swirl of clouds, a phenomenon often found only in AI-generated images.

I couldn't spot any sun yet, but the world was still illuminated enough to see the surroundings. Was it twilight? The birds were normal I*, although the chirps sounded a bit auto-tuned.

A vine nearby twitched, opening a flower that puffed out sparkly pollen. That was pretty generic. I sneezed hard enough to wake the dead. "The fantasy world has allergies already? How nerfed am I? Come on!"

Panic set in for a moment, mingled with the loneliness I felt after breakups. I fought hard against the urge to collapse on the ground and protest like a penguin on a frozen river.

Think, Akira, think. All those hours spent playing real-time strategy games have to count for something. I was, at worst, a senior noob in such scenarios.

My throat was parched. I strained my ears and heard a trickle nearby, which led me to a running stream. A sip. It tasted like bottled water. So far, so good.

Hunger came next, since my stomach hadn't stopped growling since I was spawned. My first meal grew on bushes loaded with red, shiny fruits that looked like oversized strawberries. I plucked one, sniffed it, and found no funky smells.

"If this poisons me, at least it'll be quicker than another performance review," I joked to myself, taking a bite. I almost staggered on my feet as a juicy explosion of flavor, much like a Starburst, filled my mouth. Not bad.

Instinct made me pocket a few more. Inventory management starts now, even if it's just in my sweatpants.

Night fell quickly. It was time for the chosen one to take shelter. Very soon, classical, distant wolf howls filled the air. They better not be werewolves. I gathered dry branches, suffering a few splinters in the process.

"Just cut it out on the realism, man!" I complained to the game developer if he was listening.

I weaved the branches with twigs, propping the resultant structure against a big root. It looked like a crappy Fortnite build, but it did what was expected from it.

Let's build a fire. I rubbed sticks together like a Boy Scout, and sparks caught immediately. Flames crackled into life, and damn, that warmth felt like hugging a heated blanket after a N*****x marathon.

I couldn't sleep. The shadows played tricks on me. Strange shapes flitted around in the dark, and dim eyes gleamed with evil intentions. "Stay back, furballs!" I warned them like a shrill pansy. "Or I'll... uh, throw rocks at you!"

No attacks happened. Perhaps it was all in my imagination. Sitting by the fire, it was time to gather my mind.

How did this happen? I mean the transmigration or Isekai travel across worlds. Was it that shady energy drink I chugged before the run? Did LADY KILLER Pro kill me?

Or was my mum speaking the truth? Did I piss off some kami, a Japanese demi-god, at a shrine when our family visited Tokyo?

Well, considering standard Isekai tropes, the MC is usually a NEET who dies heroically and gains OP powers from a hentai goddess.

Nada for me. I was still a mixed-race dude who liked burgers and binge-watching The Office. "Where is my status screen? My cheat ability to summon cheeseburgers?"

I chuckled at my stupid humor, but it was forced. Fuck this!

"Akira, don't be cynical," my mother used to say. "It will make your nose bigger."

I was homesick already, missing my bed, my gaming rig, and even the traffic jams.

What would my coworkers say? "Akira probably eloped with his waifu pillow."

But hey, every polluted cloud has a silver lining---no more TPS reports, no more fake smiles at team meetings. I was finally free from the corporate jungle.

I tried to think positively. This world could have hidden potential. Perhaps the tropes just hadn't kicked in yet. Maybe I'd level up, build a castle like in Minecraft, and ride a dragon like in Game of Thrones. The possibilities were endless and bound only by my imagination.

I didn't realize when I fell asleep. Dawn broke. My eyes opened to a riot of colors, reminding me of the cooler I*******m filters. There were three orbs in the sky, like mini-suns. Interesting. Three suns.

I stood and stretched, taking a moment for my autistic brain to activate. The latter immediately spotted a path uphill. It was perhaps an animal track.

I followed it, gathering more fruits and also a sharp rock for a weapon. Uphill, the view slapped. The hilltops had crystal spikes like Superman's Fortress of Solitude, and rivers flowed out of them, sparkling like diamond rivers in a Disney flick. The production quality was big-budget.

I squinted and looked into the distance, spotting the ruins of a city. Crumbled walls infested with vines, with nobody in sight. Was it a friendly civilization, or a trap for a freshly Isekai'd hero?

The adventure hook got me, and I jumped to my feet enthusiastically. "Come on, Akira! Let's make things happen."

I descended, heading down the slope in the general direction of the ruins. "Dear fantasy world, here I come to crap all over you!"