Pros and Cons

I woke up and saw the exact same thing everyday for the last 17 years of my life. A piece of stale bread and a glass of milk that’s on the verge of expiring were the first things I saw the moment I walked out of my room. That’s usually the staple food in our household every morning. If you look at it, it's not enough for a growing kid like me who is trying to study and get at least a scholarship to go to a public college, but it’s more than enough for me.

As someone who is not worth much, I can’t complain. I can’t. But with that kind of food greeting you everyday for almost your entire life, you’re bound to get sick of it someday. And that day arrived a long time ago. Sadly, I can’t do anything about it.

“Meat” Oh! How I hope to wake up at least once in my life and see meat being served on the table. It can happen if I just focus on working and stop shooting for a scholarship. But even that’s hard if you are sitting at the bottom of the food chain. Unranked individuals like me can only do dirty work for a living, so the best bet is to go the studying route where I could at least land a job that pays a little higher than the highest paying dirty work.

There’s also another ‘route’ that I can take but even that’s a flop that doesn’t guarantee much. While swallowing the stale piece of bread that almost choked me to death, I continued to study. ‘The plain and pitiful life I lived will soon change.’ That’s what I always tell myself before going to school. They say that what you tell yourself is what you will become. I just hope that those words hold true in this unforgiving world.

“Hey, Ren. Studying again right after walking out of your house? Don’t you get bored doing that almost everyday?”

That familiar voice calling out to me is from my childhood friend, Ivan, who goes to school at the exact same time as me. I don’t know if he is doing it on purpose when he is not even in any academic or athletic club, but he never misses a single day and comes to school with me. He basically does nothing but fool around at school saying that he’s going to do dirty work for the rest of his life so studying was out of the question.

Even so, I still try to change his mind since we both know how hard it is to live without a higher educational attainment. My family is a good example of that, I tell him that all the time but he just wouldn’t submit to me.

“I told you the same excuse for a long time and you got sick of hearing it so I won’t even bother.” I told him.

He immediately wrapped his shoulder around mind, and with a carefree smile on his face, he nodded his head.

“You understand me far too well. As expected of Ren, who’s shooting for college. Your train of thought is different compared to mine.” He said confidently.

That’s not something to be confident about, idiot. He may be reasonable but there are times when I fear which path he will follow in the future. It would be troubling to find out one day a close friend took the dark path. As his friend, I could only hope that never happens. People like us should just live quietly in this world filled with dangerous people.

“What do you think I’d better do after we graduate, Ren? You’re the smart one here, so maybe you can suggest which career I should pursue that goes well with my ability.”

I figured you’d say that. So that’s what's troubling you these days when you’re not your usual self.

“Actually, I’ve thought about it before. With your ability to move things, you’re well suitable for clearing operations like after an irregularity break or something.”

Yes. That’s the best suited place for Ivan’s ability where he could at least shine. Even if it is dirty work, it pays well and if he makes a name for himself, a lot more employers will try to get a hold of him and his price would easily go up.

“$100 per clearing operation, despite the obvious stomach-churning sight it is a good pay. You’re a strong-willed person, so I know you can do well there. I know there are dangers in that line of work but everything is usually taken care of before the clearing team comes in, right?”

Ivan gave me a stern look. He is thinking about it. I’ve known him for a long time, and I have successfully memorized every gesture he makes when he makes them. And that stern look on his face is saying that he is carefully considering my suggestion.

“That’s….. If that’s what you suggest, then I guess I’ll go with that. There is actually a high demand for clearing teams because of the unusually high irregularity breaks recently, so that might actually be a good choice!”

I’m glad he considered it. Ivan’s ability is incomparably useful compared to what I have, and I have carefully thought about the use of his ability as well. As long as he doesn’t use it to do something bad, he might even become a high demand clearing personnel.

Ivan pestered me, already promising things that are still far into the future. Because of his loud mouth that I have yet to get accustomed to, I did not get to study well and before we knew it, we had already reached school.

“Ivan, please. I already told you what you wanted to hear. Can you at least tone your voice down? I’m trying to study!”

He just threw a peace sign at me while sticking his tongue out. Eveytime he does that irritates me so much that I get the urge to punch him at least once. But knowing him, he just wants me to relax since I have been studying non-stop. I understand why he does that but I can’t. If I want to get my family out of that kind of life, I must do well in my studies.

While I have trouble dealing with Ivan who disrupts my studies, another troublesome individual appeared just when I was thinking that I can finally find peace.

“Tone your voice down, idio-Van! Can’t you see our rank 1 is trying to study?!”

Ema, a loudmouth classmate of mine who thinks she’s helping me study by screaming every time she gets the chance. I should be thankful for her trying to help me, but if she screams at Ivan like that all the time, Ivan will only get louder as he screams back at her. Leaving me, the one who wants to study peacefully in a spiral of thoughts whether I should at least try to hit them once to make them understand that none of them are actually helping me.

“Oh my god! I hate drugs!” 

I could only keep these kinds of things to myself because if by chance, I told them that, things would only turn from bad to worse. And that is the one thing that I want to avoid at all cost. These two individuals will surely not let me off so easily. I have gone through it and I don’t want to go through it again, ever.

In a public school like ours, most students have already resolved themselves to live like their parents through dirty work. But like me, there are also a fraction of students who dream of leaving our current way of life. Either for themselves or for their families, we strive to be the best in our studies and due to the fact that we are only few in numbers, we always butt with each other every time an exam is conducted.

With little support from our teachers, we, students who dreamed big are forced to take the matter into our own hands. Unsupervised studying or not, we kept studying until pages of our books wore out. From sunrise to sundown, we kept our gazes fixed on our books.

“Looks like you raced here as soon as your teacher dismissed you for the day. I guess Ivan and Ema were at it again.”

One such person is Herta, who is also dreaming of changing her family’s lives by studying hard. Among all the studious students, she is the only one I’m particularly close with. We only meet inside the library and barely have any contact once we leave this haven, but unlike the others, she doesn’t bear me ill will despite losing to me in rankings every exam. Not only is she good at studying, she is surprisingly gentle and beautiful. Too beautiful for a school like ours if I were being honest.

If I compare her to the most beautiful girls in our school, I’m sure Herta will not fall short in the beauty department. I have little to no information about her aside from the fact that she moved here 2 years ago. But I can tell that her family at least has a better life than mine based on her actions and gestures which gave off a ‘well-off’ vibe.

“Well, you’re right about that. I know they want me to take a breather every once in a while, but the thing is, I can’t. I can’t afford to take a breather because studying is the one thing I’m good at. Compared to them, my ability has no actual use. Heck, even I, the owner, don't know how to use it myself.”

Ah, I got ahead of myself again. For someone like me who hates loud people, I was inconsiderate and ran my mouth when she also came here to study like me.

“Sorry. It's just that I’m disappointed in my ability.” I apologized.

“Hmm-hmmm. I understand. Sometimes you gotta let it out. My father always told me to do that sometimes. It helps me freshen up. He said that keeping it to yourself will only result in regret. And it’s nice seeing you do something like this. I got to see a side of you that you never show,” she said and smiled.

How sly. Showing me that smile while saying all that. I was afraid that Ivan and Ema would be the ones hindering me from studying the most, but if you smile like that, how can I concentrate at this rate?

After that brief exchange, we focused on our studies. Obviously because of what she previously showed me, I can’t concentrate well. I kept thinking about her smile as it continued to pop in my head. 

And just like that, almost an hour passed without me being able to study well and it's time for me to leave for my part-time job.

“I’ll be leaving first. The school will close soon so you better not forget to leave before then. You don’t want to get locked up here again like what happened last time.”

Herta’s face turned bright red as I mentioned her previous experience for not being able to sense her surroundings. She immediately covered her face out of embarrassment and drove me away.

“I was just trying to remind you. Bye,”

By this time, Ivan and Ema had already gone home and I can finally enjoy peacefully walking the street without anyone bothering me. It’s one of the moments of the day that I enjoy the most.

I arrived at my workplace early and just by looking at the situation, I can instantly say I’m in for a rough night. I worked at a small restaurant as a server. I chose this part-time job particularly because I can take home some leftovers from the kitchen. The owner lets me bring them home if there are some, so the dishes for the night are practically solved. Aside from that, I also have a paycheck every week. Though it's not much, the food I bring home is more than enough for me to be happy.

“What a rough night, huh?”

The owner, Mr. Kim, has always been good to me. When no one was accepting my application as a part timer, he accepted me. 

“I’m beat, There’s an unusual amount of people today. It’s twice as usual, is there something happening nearby?” I asked.

He smiled and handed me a plastic bag filled with leftovers from the kitchen.

“Well, I figured a student like you wouldn’t know since you’re at school today but an irregularity break happened. The customers today are mostly clearing personnel.”

So that’s why there’s an unusual amount of people today. 

“It seems like the irregularity break was easily handled since there was no issue of evaluation and order was maintained.” 

I pointed out and he immediately rectified me.

“No. It wasn’t. The was only maintained because a civilian managed to distract the monsters until the extermination team arrived. But even then, the civilian died.”

I can sense the sadness in his voice. After all, his son did the same and suffered the same fate in the past.

“I’m sorry. I made you remember the past.” 

I immediately apologized and rather than getting angry or feeling gloomy, he smiled and scrambled my hair.

“Don’t worry about it. Your shift ended and it's time to close. Off you go now, kid. I don’t want your parents to worry by holding you off for too long.”

“Thanks for the leftovers, Mr. Kim.”

“Anytime, kid. As long there are leftovers, you and the others can bring it home,”

I may be living a very difficult life but it is time like this that I feel grateful because I get to meet nice people like him.

“Mother and father will surely be happy with this.”

 I said to myself, happily looking at the plastic bag filled to the brim with leftovers. My breakfast might be lacking, but at least I can fill my stomach with better food tonight.