Home / Fantasy / Department of unintentional Heroics / Chapter 4: The Fax Machine of Doom
Chapter 4: The Fax Machine of Doom
last update2025-08-11 21:39:45

Chapter 4: The Fax Machine of Doom

The garage at Bureau headquarters was quiet. Too quiet.

Theo stood by a row of parked, mostly functional vehicles, holding a cup of Bureau coffee (flavored like despair) and waiting for “Night Division” to show up.

The only sound was the occasional drip of something from the ceiling. He decided not to ask what.

Then, from the shadows, a tall figure emerged—sharp suit, pale skin, eyes like tired rubies.

“Crumble,” the figure said smoothly. “I am Agent Vespera Nightshade. Welcome to the graveyard shift.”

Theo blinked. “Are you a—”

“Yes. Vampire.”

“…You just say it like that? No dramatic buildup?”

“I’m unionized. Drama is unpaid labor.”

Night Division Orientation

The Night Division, it turned out, operated out of a converted parking level deep beneath the Bureau. The lighting was dim, the air smelled faintly of incense, and the staff consisted of:

Vespera – vampire, team lead, chronically unimpressed.

Frank – a ghost in a waistcoat who complained constantly about not having dental coverage.

Mothman Gary – tall, winged, mostly silent, loved Sudoku.

Theo Crumble – hero-by-typo, sleep-deprived.

Their first task of the night: investigate paranormal activity at the Old Birchfield Document Storage Facility, an abandoned warehouse where magical archives had been stored decades ago.

Vespera slid Theo a file. “We’ve had reports of… unusual transmissions from inside.”

Theo frowned. “Transmissions? Like… radio?”

Frank floated closer. “Like fax. Endless faxing. Middle of the night. To unknown numbers. Pages and pages of… something.”

Theo’s eyebrow twitched. “You dragged me here at midnight for a haunted fax machine?”

Vespera’s eyes narrowed. “Crumble, do not underestimate the fax. I lost three operatives to a possessed scanner in ‘09.”

The Warehouse

They arrived at Birchfield just after midnight. The place was huge, cavernous, and unnervingly still—except for the faint beep-whirrrrrr of a fax machine somewhere in the dark.

Stacks of old filing boxes towered around them like cardboard skyscrapers. The shadows seemed to lean closer with every step.

Theo muttered, “This feels like the start of a horror movie.”

Frank replied, “Don’t flatter yourself. Horror movies have budgets.”

The sound grew louder as they approached a small office at the far end. Inside, a lone fax machine sat on a dusty desk, plugged into nothing—no outlet, no phone line—yet it was printing continuously.

Theo picked up one of the fresh pages. His eyes widened.

“It’s… my face,” he said slowly. “Over and over again.”

Things Get Worse

The fax machine shuddered violently, its buttons glowing red. Paper began flying out faster, each sheet covered with Theo’s face screaming in progressively more panicked expressions.

Vespera hissed. “It knows you.”

“Knows me? I’ve never met a fax machine in my life!” Theo shouted.

The machine beeped once, then the cables slithered out from underneath like tentacles, whipping toward them.

Gary the Mothman dove in, batting away cords with his wings. Frank tried to phase through the machine, but yelped, “It’s warded!”

Theo, acting on pure adrenaline and poor judgment, grabbed the nearest weapon he could find: a heavy-duty stapler.

“Alright, you boxy little nightmare, let’s dance!”

The Showdown

Vespera moved in a blur, ripping one of the cords in half with her bare hands. Sparks flew. The fax machine let out a distorted modem scream.

Theo slammed the stapler down on the control panel. Paper shot everywhere—hundreds of screaming-paper-Theos spinning through the air like confetti.

Frank grabbed a bottle of Bureau-issued holy toner (because of course that existed) and dumped it over the machine.

With a final, mournful beep, the fax machine went still. The last sheet printed slowly, showing nothing but two words:

“Nice try.”

Aftermath

Back at Night Division HQ, Vespera filed her report. “Haunted object neutralized, minimal damage. One rookie traumatized.”

Theo sat in the corner, shivering slightly. “I don’t… I don’t even own a fax number.”

Frank floated by. “Kid, you never really own a fax number. It owns you.”

Before Theo could respond, Vespera tossed him another file.

“Next case: a ghost that thinks it’s a motivational speaker.”

Theo groaned. “I’m starting to think that breakfast demon wasn’t so bad.”

End of Chapter 4

Continue to read this book for free
Scan the code to download the app

Latest Chapter

  • Chapter 90: The Shard of Unspoken Truths

    Chapter 90 – The Shard of Unspoken TruthsThe storm broke over the cliffs of Veyra with a violence that made even Elliott pause before stepping forward. Wind ripped across the jagged stone, carrying with it the smell of salt, thunder, and something… ancient. Somewhere within the cavern below the cliff lay the next shard—called The Shard of Unspoken Truths.“I don’t like how dramatic this is,” Seraphina muttered, clutching her cloak tighter. “Storms never mean anything good in ancient lore. They’re always symbolic. And you know what symbols mean? Foreshadowing. And foreshadowing means doom.”“Or,” Quinn said, grinning as lightning flashed, “it could just mean we’re getting closer to winning. Heroes always walk into storms at the turning point.”“Tell that to the ones who get fried on the way in,” Seraphina shot back.Elliott adjusted his pack and looked at the yawning mouth of the cavern. Its edges were etched with strange runes that pulsed faintly with white-blue light, as if the stor

  • Chapter 89: The Road to the Loom

    Chapter 89 – The Road to the LoomThe dawn stretched thin across the horizon as the group began their march. The earth still carried the echo of the Harbinger’s retreat—scorched soil, twisted stone, and the unnatural stillness of a world holding its breath. The air itself seemed heavier, as if reality strained under invisible pressure.Kai led with uneven steps, Mira supporting his weight with one arm, though he tried to hide how much he leaned on her. Toren trudged behind them, his armor clattering with each tired stride, while Elira walked silently, her fingers brushing faint sigils in the air as though weaving invisible wards.No one spoke for a long while. The silence between them wasn’t emptiness—it was purpose.Finally, Toren broke it, his voice gruff. “So this Loom—what in the nine hells even is it? Elira, you’ve been rattling on about threads and tapestries, but I’d like something solid before I walk into another myth and get my other arm ripped off.”Elira exhaled slowly, gat

  • Chapter 88: Ashes and Resolve

    Chapter 88 – Ashes and ResolveThe storm’s remnants dragged across the sky like bruises fading into dawn. The plateau, once a place of ruin and fire, now lay in eerie stillness. Steam rose from the cracks in the earth, carrying the scent of scorched stone and ash.Kai lay propped against a boulder, his breaths shallow but steady. Mira had refused to leave his side, her sword now resting on the ground, her hand gripping his like an anchor. Toren sat nearby, his armor dented and blackened, the haft of his broken axe across his knees. Elira knelt in quiet meditation, her hands glowing faintly as she wove restorative sigils to mend what she could of their battered bodies.The silence felt heavy. Too heavy.It was Mira who finally broke it, her voice hoarse. “That wasn’t victory. Not really. He pulled back on his own terms.”Toren spat blood into the dirt. “Aye. Bastard didn’t retreat because we scared him. He’s plotting something worse.”Elira opened her eyes, the glow fading. “Perhaps bo

  • Chapter 87: The Harbinger's Gambit

    Chapter 87 – The Harbinger’s GambitThe light from the shattered hourglass lingered like an afterimage across the sky, gilding the storm in fire and gold. For one breathless moment, the battlefield stood suspended—neither victory nor defeat, only the trembling pause between heartbeats.Then the Harbinger roared.His cloak of shadows ripped wider, unfurling like a torn banner against the heavens. His form flickered, unstable, but his malice only grew sharper, more venomous. His voice cracked the air like thunder.“You think your defiance means anything? The river of time cannot be dammed by children playing at heroes.”Kai stumbled back, the fragments of the hourglass now dust slipping through his fingers. His chest burned with exhaustion, his body begging to collapse. But as the Harbinger advanced, Mira darted to his side.“You’re not touching him,” she hissed, her blade raised despite her trembling arm.Toren dragged himself upright, leaning on what remained of his axe. His breath ra

  • Chapter 86: The Shattered Hourglass

    Chapter 86 – The Shattered HourglassThe wind howled across the barren plateau, carrying with it the bitter scent of smoke and blood. Above, the sky was torn in half: one side a bruised red streaked with lightning, the other swallowed by endless black, as if the heavens themselves warred over who would claim the world.Kai stood at the center of the plateau, his chest rising and falling in ragged breaths. His once-pristine robes were torn and bloodstained, and his hands trembled as he held onto the broken fragments of the ancient hourglass relic. The Shards of Time.Around him, the party lay scattered, battered but alive. Mira struggled to her feet, her silver hair matted with blood, one hand clutching her ribs. Toren sat against a shattered stone, his axe cracked down the middle, his breaths shallow but stubborn. Elira knelt in silence, her eyes fixed on Kai with a look that wavered between despair and unyielding faith.The enemy’s laughter echoed.From the shadows of the storm, the

  • Chapter 85: The Ledge of Shadows

    Chapter 85 – The Ledge of Shadows The ledge was nothing more than a scar across the cliff, narrow as a knife’s edge, forcing them to press shoulder and cheek against cold, jagged stone. The air smelled of iron and dust, and below yawned an abyss so deep that no torchlight could have revealed its floor. A single slip would be enough to vanish forever. Elliott’s boots scraped, sending pebbles tumbling. He froze as they clicked against the stone, then disappeared into silence. He imagined them falling for hours, never striking bottom. His fingers ached from clinging to the rough wall, his knuckles bloodied, but the satchel against his hip throbbed with a steady heartbeat. The shard inside was alive, awake, whispering with every step. Above, Serath moved like a queen across the ravine’s rim, her silhouette etched against a sky of storm clouds. She did not hurry. She did not need to. Her shadows poured over the cliff’s edge in writhing streams, slinking downward like hunting serpents.

More Chapter
Explore and read good novels for free
Free access to a vast number of good novels on MegaNovel app. Download the books you like and read anywhere & anytime.
Read books for free on the app
Scan code to read on App