A Start

Everything is happening again and again . I tried my best but it wasn't enough to save you . Again you are in my hands and you are disappearing . Please don't go . Please don't go . My tears are falling again , I know it is destined but no matter how much I try ? , no matter how much I travel in other dimensions to save you . I failed and like always you are leaving me by saying "Thankyou , for making me feel alive " with a smile .

What is this alive actually meant? . 

 How can you say that? When you are going away again? How can you be smiling right now ? This sword crosses you in heart ? Blood is coming continuously ? Aren't you hurt ? How can you be so happy? When all I want is you . My tears were dropping on her face that was smiling , a body of hers that I hold in my hands , that is disappearing and fading in every second . All I can do is to hug her in her last moment until she vanishes away and only leaves her memories .

And her last words she said with a laughing face were  `` oi , this time don't come near my grave … I won't be there to wipe your tears and thank you for the love . You know, no matter how much you try my death is destined so let's finally say a goodbye and don't chase me anymore " she vanished within my hands while i was hugging her .

All came to my mind was ,how ? How can she smile again and again , every time she dies? No, she already knew it was going to come anyway . All I did was scream loudly with tears in my eyes " don't leave me , don't make me alone again. " 

I wonder where things get started and I end up playing this fate game.

6 months ago .

It was March morning .A beautiful spring had started . Like always I woke up with same dream of girl actually it always came once a month . Who knows why a same girl always came in my dream   . I just ignore the dream actually it been long time i always   the had a same dream since childhood . i  looked at time and I tried to look at the calendar but ignored it and said the same thing again " what's the point of looking at date and day , when I know everything is going to be the same like always ." I felt like I was just living a life with no motive . I don't know what the value of living is . I don't want to die too?Because I already felt like I died long ago just living aimlessly in a dead body . What's alive anyway ? And what is death? Aren't they the same thing with opposite meanings? And have the same cycle . We are born, we live , we get old, we die .

I don't even know why I haven't thrown the calendar . When I don't want to use it . It's like I am waiting just one day , to use this calendar and say wow it's today .

"Anyway, why do I always think the same thing in the morning? It's just a calendar isn't it ? ."

And like always I got ready and went to school by wearing the uniform. Well , I am in my last year of highschool . I went to school and saw the same faces of people again . Everyone was chatting with their friends , playing , teasing and all . It's not like i dont have friends , it's just I really don't want one . I am just an average person with average looks and grades , with no motive . I was walking into the hallway and was going towards my classroom . Out of the blue someone bumped into me and my bag fell down . 

" Oh sorry , sorry i was just playing with my friends and-"

I didn't look at her face and bent down to collect my books and bag .

All I said was "playing in the hallway?"

" Ohh sorry , i was just having fun.umm let me help you" she said

She started to help me , all i did was to not look at her face and minding my business . Her fingers touched mine accidentally .A weird feeling runs in my heart  but  I just mind my own business and took my bag and started to move and she said .

" Oi , look at me ? Why are you avoiding me? Am I looking weird to you? "

I turned around and looked at her . She was wearing a mask , her hair was long and beautiful  in black and her eyes were beautiful . Looking at her beautiful eyes with long beautiful eyelashes . First time I got to know what beauty is . Maybe beauty is in her eyes . All I could see was her warm eyes  that  were charming . I have never seen someone this beautiful and peaceful  . I was feeling foolish saying that . Because she was wearing a mask, who knows what she actually looked like.

It was that moment when I first met her in the spring of march  and I was unaware of the fact that beauty will make my life beautiful and everything was going to change .