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Cultivator Battle Royale
By: SmilesOngoing
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Chapters: 97
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Every year, a group of the weakest cultivators in the planet is offered the chance to compete in the Cultivation Battle Royale, a chance for them to rapidly gain power as they defeat other cultivators and risk their lives for valuable herbs, pills, and techniques. Xing Wenghu, The reincarnation of the Immortal 9 Quadrants Chicken Wing Emperor is chosen to enter. Having failed the Thunder Tribulation of moving out of his parents house, he risks life and limb to overtake the other "Bizarre" cultivators he competes against. A satirical parody of many cultivation tropes, stories and characters.
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Chapter 1
Chapter 0
Xing Wenghu stood on the roof of his parent's house, gazing into the night sky, replaying his final memories from his previous life and the cycle of reincarnation.
This moment was his first moment in a new and fresh life. He was reborn, and now had a chance to start fresh, no longer bound by the fate of his previous self. It was a luxury few cultivators ever had the chance to earn.But he was the main character, the chosen one. The fated one, the special one. The Protagonist even dare he believe it.
He had been reborn as a cultivator, with new powers and abilities. Xinghad been chosen by the supreme Dao deities to ascend and become one of the most powerful cultivators in existence.
Xing Wenghu from a young age had been born with the Heavenly Daoist skeleton, and the Demonic Daoist Martial Body. A potent combination that only 0.0000001% of cultivators in the entire history of existence ever had.Upon Xing Wenghu's very birth, a gigantic flash of light exploded across every dimension, declaring to the universe that a main character had been born.Every Supreme Dao Deity seeked Xing Wenghu out, leading to him having trained in their subspace dimension. Here, Xing Wenghu learned only the most powerful of techniques, moving through barriers thought to be impenetrable by mortal beings.
Most importantly, he did this all under the watchful eye of an immortal cultivator who had begged him to join him on his quest to become a supreme being and surpass the limits of reality itself. Xing Wenghu was just too special, how could he not beg for the main character to join him?
Because of this, he had a large target placed upon his back. It was quite frustrating for him to experience. At every venture, Xing Wenghu would be ambushed by the worst pest of all!Side characters.Irrelevant, forgettable people who nobody could remember the name of. Not even their own mother! They haunted him, chased after him with great envy and frustration in their hearts for Xing Wenghu! Like dogs, they never stopped pushing.But if they were dogs, then Xing Wenghu was Fenrir himself! Slapping away the pups that leaped at him at every turn.
Xing Wenghu was the target of great envy amongst several of the celestial deities and mortal beings at all times. He kept them at bay through cunning, wits and raw strength when appropriate.However, this was not meant to last.
A tragedy ensued when Xing Wenghu killed his teacher out of fear that he would be betrayed and killed to prevent someone like him from existing.
He stood alone on a desolate plain where his teacher had been worshiped like a god in mortal life. Beneath him laid dozens of defeated enemies who stood no chance against him at his current level of power. Various celestial deities were flying around him, staring him down and making sure he did not slip away or escape them forever."Get him!" One foolishly shouted, but the rest scolded the cultivator for daring to speak."You fool! That is the great demon Xing Wenghu! The shameless little bastard nobody can touch!!!"
A past mentor of his laid on his knees on the ground, preparing to recite his last words: "Oh God, O-Oh fuck! Y-you shameless little bastard! You are so much more powerful than me Xing Wenghu! How dare you betray my trust in you!"
Xing Wenghu scoffed at this remark and casually replied with two words. Two words that brought out raw pain within the soul of any elderly individual who heard them. It was a powerful sentence that could cause qi deviation in the most powerful of ancient immortals!
"Okay Boomer"
He waved one hand in front his teacher's face while bringing down another palm which crushed the man's skull into smithereens.
He didn't need to waste any more time with this weak "Boomer".
Xing Wenghu stood in the middle of the Primordial Ancient Demonic Celestial Daoist Plains of Ruin, Death and Hope. He spoke to himself, a smirk on his face. "I need no help, I need nobody! I am the main character!!!!"
Xing Wenghu didn't need to listen to any weakling Boomer who told him what to do. He would show all those other Boomers that he didn't need them!
Over the next several millennia Xing Wenghu amassed power and cultivation, taking over the entire Heavenly Galactic Quadrant. His harem was massive and diverse, glittering suns from all over the quadrant. Thousands upon thousands of Jade Celestial Beauties came to join him and worship him for his strength and power.
Use your power to protect yourself , Xing Wenghu thought, but he had made a fatal mistake.
It was a cool summer morning, and Xing Wenghu awoke to find a vixen in his bed, the Jade Empress Xiao Hua. She looked him up and down like a predator, her eyes alight with devouring hunger.He had seen this same look on her face before, when she had come to visit him in his public appearance as the summit of Celestial Emperors with titles too long to remember.He hadn't been able to resist her beauty then. And now here she was, moments after seducing him with that same look all over her face.
She sprang back up onto the bed and began nibbling on his ear playfully, then whispered, "I'm going to take your soul now."Xing Wenghu's eyes widened. "Wow, women sure are into some weird things these days!" He laughed, as she loomed over him. She looked at him like a hungry fox might look at a naive chicken waddling about half-heartedly. Her lips twisted into a cruel smile of satisfaction as her trap came into effect.
Her brand of qi suddenly effected his body. His meridians felt like they were evaporating slowly from his skin each time she touched him. His body felt as if it were on fire with love for her. Initially at this thought he felt a surge of power go through him.But soon he realized it wasn't love.He was feeling everything that he had made others feel throughout his life. He could feel their suffering just as acutely as if it were his own pain that had been imposed upon them by his cruelty.
He felt fear when they felt fear...He saw dread when they saw dread...He felt loss when they felt loss...He heard their cries of pain as if they were his own...and then...there was nothing...no feelings. Nothing at all but darkness surrounding him.When his eyes came to light once more, he was no longer in his previous world.
Xing Wenghu entered the body of a boy named Xing Wenghu through a cruel twist of fate. Sifting through memories that were not his own, Xing Wenghu found the world to be quite different from the one he had known.In his past life he had not spent a single day as a normal young man!
The world was exactly as he had known it. Xing Wenghu frowned. Yes, the world was exactly as he had known it, but without his godly powers to guide him what success could he have? With determination in his heart, Xing Wenghu set his mind on recovering his former powers, and getting revenge on that damn bitch Xiao Hua.
This was what Xing Wenghu truly believed as he stared out the roof of his parents house, having failed the tribulation of getting a job and moving out. He needed to find someone who would give him some quick spiritual cultivation methods after all; how else would he find someone to spar with on the first day?
Luckily, a opportunity for power had slipped into his fingers. He had been selected as one of the lucky participants for the National Cultivator Battle Royale, which took place in America.
Where only the weakest amongst cultivators could participate. There, they would be forced to survive for weeks in an undisclosed secluded island while surrounded by cultivation resources and martial scrolls. The lucky winner would have untold power, only at the deaths of everyone else.
He clasped his hand, determined to take advantage of this opportunity. In his past life he knew exactly everything about the battle royale, and where every single martial herb, scroll would be located.Nothing could stop him now!"Xiiiiiiinnnnng, I need you to take out the trash!!" Xing's mom loudly called from below at him.A vein threatened to burst from Xing's forehead, how dare she interrupt him!"Moooooom, I'm having a monologue!!! Don't interrupt me!" He shouted back down at her, before going back to thinking in deep contemplation.
The tribulation of enduring bullshit parents would indeed test his patience!
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TABLE OF CONTENTS
Latest Chapter
Cultivator Battle Royale Chapter 96
Feng Peng looked at Xing Wenghu with just a hint of confusion within his eyes. He was not sure what to say. Master Wenghu didn't have much of a plan? "Master Wenghu. So we just wait here for the enemy to come to us and eat all of their resources?" Feng Peng asked hesitantly. Xing Wenghu nodded his head at Feng Peng."Yes. We don't need to do anything. Whoever owns this place is going to come to us, and that will be when we ambush them and take over this place for good. From there, we can win The Cultivator Battle Royale!" It would be a goose chase to search for whoever might have owned this place. Xing Wenghu did not want to waste his energy chasing after people who would come to him on their own!Feng Peng nodded his head in understanding at Xing Wenghu. "Alright then. I am going to finally sleep. My eyes are so tired, and my whole body aches!" Feng Peng immediately ran to the upstairs bedroom of the house that they were inside of. Xing Wenghu took the opprotunity to sit himself on t
Last Updated : 2024-07-31Cultivator Battle Royale Chapter 95
Xing Wenghu held his arm out to stop the party from moving forward. Their conversation had been cut off by Xing Wenghu. Xing Wenghu was currently looking ahead of him, the party was standing behind a bunch of trees. Ahead of them was a clearing, in which a suspiciously clean and immaculate House was standing in the middle of nowhere. There were no obvious traps, nobody standing around.The entire area looked as if nobody had touched it at all. Chaddy Wei looked up from behind Xing Wenghu up ahead. "Woah Brother Xing, looks like we found shelter already!" Chaddy Wei looked up excitedly at the Log Cabin that was up ahead of them. "This means we can finally take a shower properly Brother Xing! I don't want to cultivate The Dao of The Gamer Stench!" Feng Peng laughed at the ridiculousness of Chaddy Wei's statement. "A shower? Where!?" The Ultimate Vine Mistress called out immediately. But Xing Wenghu ssh'd them. "Everyone. It could be a trap. This looks too clean and too well prepared fo
Last Updated : 2024-07-31Cultivator Battle Royale Chapter 94
Xing Wenghu stood still and looked out at the forest for a few minutes. He did this to be cool and dramatic, but also to make it look like he was having a moment of deep change and inner peace inside. By letting Billy go, Xing Wenghu had equally in a way let go of many things weighing him down. Xing Wenghu stared with the most solemn eyes into the horizon. While his companions awkwardly stood behind him. "Are we....Are we doing something?" The Ultimate Vine Mistress said, looking around like she was expecting something to happen. Immediately, Chaddy Wei shushed her. "Sssh! Brother Xing is having a moment!" Chaddy Wei knew from his intuition that Xing Wenghu was having a moment of deep contemplation, especially with how distant he looked into the forest.Xing Wenghu had alot on his mind that he just couldn't work himself out of. He thought to himself what he should do, but there was so much coming back to him. If he was willing to let a side character like Billy go, would he spare Sun
Last Updated : 2024-07-31Cultivator Battle Royale Chapter 93
Young Xing pointed his hand at Billy and his friends. Who all sneered and laughed at Xing Wenghu. He happened to also be the shortest kid in the entire class. So everybody metaphorically and literally looked down on him. "Whats the matter Immortal Emperor? Are you going to hit me? Are you gonna hit me huh little emperor?" Billy and his friends arrogantly laughed.Young Xing was brimming with anger. He raised his hand and immediately went to smack-"Wait wait. Now isn't the time for another flashback. I have to finish beating the shit out of you!" Xing Wenghu declared. He immediately broke out of the flash back. Now was not the time for a long and boring flashback about why he hated Billy. Xing Wenghu raised his hand to attempt to strike down Billy. He didn't need to explain himself to the audience. After all what kind of Main Character explains his actions before he acts! As Xing Wenghu raised his hand to attempt to kill Billy, he immediately on cue began to cry and squeal."No please
Last Updated : 2024-07-31Cultivator Battle Royale Chapter 92
Xing Wenghu looked shocked at the figure standing in front of him. He pointed his finger out, shaking with slight anger and agitation. "You! You are courting death to come here! Only a fool would stand before me after what you did. And yet you have the boldness. As if you are a chicken standing before the chef, testing if you will be cooked!" Xing Wenghu directly shouted at the figure standing in front of the group. It was a young man who was of a similar age to Xing. His outfit was generic and forgettable. He did not have any significant features outside of a bowl hair cut and a skinny body build. Chaddy Wei looked skeptically at Xing Wenghu, unsure of the source of his agitation. "Brother Xing. Are you alright? This young man bears the resemblance of the side characters you talk about." Chaddy Wei doubted that the person before them was capable of anything. His senses had been enhanced from his Chad transformation. He could not feel a remote heartbeat of qi coming from the perso
Last Updated : 2024-07-26Cultivator Battle Royale Chapter 91
Xing Wenghu was alarmed by what the Fat Cultivator told him. If Sun Yaozu was aware of his location, then it was only a matter of time until a dangerous foe attempted to ambush him. Xing Wenghu was not afraid, but the dao of the plot mandated that he not confront Sun Yaozu's imminent threat immediately. It would spoil the dramatic build up of the hidden powerful foe Sun Yaozu had recruited to fight against him."Brother Wei. We must not stay here. We have to find Feng Peng and whats her name and get a move on." Xing Wenghu said authoratively to Chaddy Wei as the two of them prepared to rejoin their companions. "How long has it been since we entered the trial?" Xing Wenghu asked the fat cultivator. The cultivator took a breath before replying."It has only been about three hours since you two entered the trial. You should have enough time to cover your tracks and make a run for it." The Fat Cultivator said. Xing Wenghu and Chaddy Wei nodded at each other before making their way back th
Last Updated : 2024-07-24
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Smiles
Shameless Self Promo. A Silly cultivator satire anyone can pick up and read.
Jamiul Hasan Ayon
Very Amusing. Feels like I am reading another A will eternal. But this one is more parodical, with its mention of usual xianxia tropes. A fun read. And I like how this uses the third pov story telling but still makes me feel like the story is narrated in 1st pov. Very skillful use of narration.
ChadGuy45
Probably the most funny novel I've read.